How to do keto when you have BED...
In my last post I explained the background of my messed up relationship with food and how I got up to almost 350 pounds. Modern psychology calls it Binge Eating Disorder. I turn to food for emotional support as one would turn to a family member or friend, whether it be in happy times, stressful times, sad times, or just bored times. I ate my meals well beyond a feeling of fullness, even to the point of feeling slightly sick, because the overwhelming feeling of calm I got feeling, tasting, and smelling the food was impossible to let go of. Also, I was obsessed about when I would eat next, what I would eat, and generally speaking who would be eating with me. I made excuses to eat, putting myself in situations where eating was almost mandatory, like at a potluck. And I never turned down a free meal even if it was possible I wouldn't like it.
My Binge Eating Disorder has been a roadblock for me the entire time I've known about the ketogenic diet. You might have even wondered "If she knew this diet was so good, why didn't she just do it, lose all the weight and keep it off when she first discovered it?" For years I thought about it and thought about it and I couldn't come up with an answer. I knew I had some sort of food or eating addiction, it was plainly obvious to me every time I put food in my mouth. Food just made me feel better no matter what I was feeling otherwise.
People without BED usually don't understand that sensation or that drive to eat but it manifests very much like an addiction. American culture has gotten into the habit of vilifying people who apparently have no control of what they put in their bodies, whether it be food, drugs, alcohol, or nicotine. Sometimes, the person just isn't wired to be able to stop. Sometimes the first "hit" is enough to get them stuck in the addiction. Sometimes something happened in their life that the only way to live with the emotional pain is to turn to something that numbs the pain.
In March of 2017 I started having some physical problems I've never had before and I knew I had to change my diet or lose my life, and I had just failed miserably at yet another attempt to do a low carb diet. I had the epiphany that something else besides the food had to change before a diet would work so I asked a nutritionist friend of mine for help and she listened to me and recommended I look into a program she had participated in several years before. This program was an intensive psychological out-patient program geared at helping people with Binge Eating Disorder.
I went to therapy four times a week and visited a nutritionist once a week for ten weeks, and then I had weekly therapy sessions for the next four months. During the program I learned so much about the causes of my BED, how the food was still helping me protect myself against my family, and what needed to change for me to have a healthy relationship with food. The first step was to trust the food and trust that food will always be there so I don't have to horde it like a squirrel hordes nuts for the winter, either in my pantry or in my body. That, and further insights, made incredible impacts on me and even though I still struggle with wanting to just stuff my face and my stomach sometimes I generally just eat until I'm satiated or until my plate is empty, whichever comes first.
I feel that continuing therapy would still be helpful to me but money is tight and psychologists aren't cheap, especially when insurance doesn't cover them. I left my therapist's office for the last time last October still struggling with emotional eating and lack of mindfulness. Recently, after ruminating on my sessions and all the advice I got, I have just been continuing to put it all together myself. I think that's really helped, and I can definitely see the difference in my eating patterns. That's part of why I'm starting keto again at this time. I've made a tentative peace with a lot of my past demons, I know I can handle keto now and keto will help me continue the peace process as I get farther and farther from my previous eating habits.
This brings me to tomorrow's subject: The seductive call of processed, highly sugared foods...
My Binge Eating Disorder has been a roadblock for me the entire time I've known about the ketogenic diet. You might have even wondered "If she knew this diet was so good, why didn't she just do it, lose all the weight and keep it off when she first discovered it?" For years I thought about it and thought about it and I couldn't come up with an answer. I knew I had some sort of food or eating addiction, it was plainly obvious to me every time I put food in my mouth. Food just made me feel better no matter what I was feeling otherwise.
People without BED usually don't understand that sensation or that drive to eat but it manifests very much like an addiction. American culture has gotten into the habit of vilifying people who apparently have no control of what they put in their bodies, whether it be food, drugs, alcohol, or nicotine. Sometimes, the person just isn't wired to be able to stop. Sometimes the first "hit" is enough to get them stuck in the addiction. Sometimes something happened in their life that the only way to live with the emotional pain is to turn to something that numbs the pain.
In March of 2017 I started having some physical problems I've never had before and I knew I had to change my diet or lose my life, and I had just failed miserably at yet another attempt to do a low carb diet. I had the epiphany that something else besides the food had to change before a diet would work so I asked a nutritionist friend of mine for help and she listened to me and recommended I look into a program she had participated in several years before. This program was an intensive psychological out-patient program geared at helping people with Binge Eating Disorder.
I went to therapy four times a week and visited a nutritionist once a week for ten weeks, and then I had weekly therapy sessions for the next four months. During the program I learned so much about the causes of my BED, how the food was still helping me protect myself against my family, and what needed to change for me to have a healthy relationship with food. The first step was to trust the food and trust that food will always be there so I don't have to horde it like a squirrel hordes nuts for the winter, either in my pantry or in my body. That, and further insights, made incredible impacts on me and even though I still struggle with wanting to just stuff my face and my stomach sometimes I generally just eat until I'm satiated or until my plate is empty, whichever comes first.
I feel that continuing therapy would still be helpful to me but money is tight and psychologists aren't cheap, especially when insurance doesn't cover them. I left my therapist's office for the last time last October still struggling with emotional eating and lack of mindfulness. Recently, after ruminating on my sessions and all the advice I got, I have just been continuing to put it all together myself. I think that's really helped, and I can definitely see the difference in my eating patterns. That's part of why I'm starting keto again at this time. I've made a tentative peace with a lot of my past demons, I know I can handle keto now and keto will help me continue the peace process as I get farther and farther from my previous eating habits.
This brings me to tomorrow's subject: The seductive call of processed, highly sugared foods...
I just want you to know that I'm reading all of these entries, and will read every one that you post. I'm on Team Aimee! :D
ReplyDelete\o/
Delete(I got that one from you.) :^)